The Grudge You Hold After Being Performance Managed.

The process of performance management can be a tedious process for both the manager and the employee.

It is never pleasant and I only know a handful of cases where it worked out really well and transformed employees that went off the rails.

Most of the time, an employee that is performance managed moves on from the organisation.

They hold a grudge, bitterness and hate against their previous manager if not the whole company. 

The worst thing is the feeling of betrayal and let down.

When you are performance managed your confidence gets hit hard, all kind of emotions are going through your head like anger, frustration and sadness.

You become extremely vulnerable and your confidence just melts away and disappears like it never existed. 

You feel broken and insecure, angry and anxious and vengeful.

Unfortunately, in many instances, it doesn’t stop there.

Life after performance management can be very hard.

If you stay with the company you feel there is a dark cloud hanging over you and if you leave the company you feel damaged.

What to say to a potential new employer?

How to explain why you left and your relationship with your previous manager?

What if they want to do a reference with your last boss?

Just horrible.

This is negative energy that runs through your body and negative emotions that play on your mind.

Like anything, negativity holds you back from reaching your potential.

It contaminates your judgment and the decisions you will be making in regards to your future.

It will also hold you back developing any future professional relations.

You might even experience physical symptoms, such as pains and aches.

To be able to move forward you need to clear the emotions and all the negativity you have and holding inside. 

How to clear and forgive after all the pain you experienced? 

“Forgiveness is for you and not the other person.”

Using their head as a dart target might help temporarily but it is certainly not a sustainable solution.

There is no magic pill that makes it go away, it is a process you need to go through to liberate yourself.

1. You need to realise that these negative emotions are only affecting you. Not the other person.

2. Believe me when I say, you will have the best feeling ever when you show yourself and everyone else whatever happened to you wasn’t significant enough to disable or destroy you.

3. Reflect and see what you can learn from the situation. I understand this can be very painful, but try to replay it, as it is a movie you are watching and observing.

What could be the happy ending for this movie?

This can create possible options for you and opens different perspectives.

Don’t focus on how it made you weaker but instead focus on how it made you stronger.

4. Talk with someone. This could be a coach, family or friends. Let all the emotions out.

Articulate your feelings.

Don’t hold them inside.

You are not alone and you shouldn’t go through this alone

5. No point in beating yourself up. Be kind to yourself, don’t blame yourself, forgive yourself and give yourself time to heal, going through a performance management process can be very draining.

6. To completely liberate yourself you need to find a way to forgive the other person. This forgiveness is for you and not the other person.

It will enable you to cut loose from them, to get out of their trap and wave away the power they hold over you.

7. Stop sharing what happened to you. I understand you want to tell the story to anyone who wants to listen.

When sharing the wrong you have been done you will be trapped in the past, not able to move forward, look forward and see the many opportunities around you

8. Make your plan to move forward. What happened, happened. Focus on how you are going to move forward.

Make a plan for your future, accept that bad things happen, but remember, so do good things!

Look out for those, open your eyes to your environment and see!

Having been through performance management myself, “being pushed out” I understand how hard it can be.

I also understand the value of the process you need to go through to liberate yourself from all the negative emotions, thoughts and energy.

I hope these 8 steps help heal anyone who needs it.

PS, I have been a manager and I don’t question the need for performance management. However, this post focuses on the perspective of the employee.